NOMADS HOME

...'Cos I'm just a Dreamer.

2011-08-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

'Some men they bring roses,
and wrapped bottles of wine
Eskimos rub noses,
to show what's on their minds
Some men charm and flatter
and break out all of their bling
For me its a simple matter
Baby I...I just sing.'
-Lonesome Troubadour.

So whats your thing?
How do you express what you feel?
How do you know whats the best way to make the other person feel,just the way they make you feel?
What makes you think that the love you give is the love she/he deserves?
How do you keep your overwhelming emotions in check,lest it borders into the realms of possessiveness?
Can you love a person so much that you will let go.For greater good?
Or you love them for keeps,nothing less?
Tell me,How do you love someone when the odds are against you?

The answer my friend,isn't blowing in the wind.
It never did and never will.
So,if you don't mind.Can you answer my queries,still?

DECADENCE

2011-06-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

I am what you think I am not.
Little did you know but that's not my fault.
You never saw.i never hid.
So sad..I won the race.You lost the bid.
Enemies or friends we are what we are.
Too close to comfort yet so far...so far.
Lets remember the first time for the last time.
When all we had was heart full of love and pocket less of dime.
So long stranger...Don't know what to tell.
Lets meet again...If not in heaven,definitely in hell!

-Abhishikth John
Nomads Home.

SIXTY SECONDS

2011-05-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

The rhythm of the beat reminds me of a song

The grimness on her face reveals there's something wrong

The weary bodies,the drooping shoulders...

the sweaty palms,the body odors

Reminds me of a waiting soul

Reminds me of an endless goal

Reminds me of an old man begging ...people ignoring his plea by just shrugging

I see and I declare

The fates of the hopeless,the ones who wouldn't dare

I see and I move on

No,i cant stop and mourn.Sorry,life has to go on

I see...I seldom feel

The pain,the agony I wouldn't let it reveal

The man on the rocking chair reminds me of my future

life takes me there anyways.I like it or not,doesn't matter

I look at the sky.I heave a sigh

And the time...It just goes by.

Abhishikth John

Nomads Home

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

2011-05-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

Eyes wide open,as if screaming 'don't let me go'!
Monitors beaming with red alarms,proclaiming 'this is how I run the show'
Breaths gasping,searching for the elusive hope
Systems failing,like a flop joke

Yet another life fights the losing battle
The journey ending which once began with the cradle.
The loved one holding the frail hand prays
As promised light at end of the tunnel helplessly fades

I look at the flat line and nod my head
Yet another protocol to declare the dead

I silence the red alarm.I close the wide opened eyes
I cover the pale visage,as the multitude wails and cries
I wait for the moment
As if ,there's a set time for lament...

The moment arrives.I explain the formalities
With no remorse in my eyes for the never ending casualities

Skilled yet helpless
Willing yet ruthless
This is all I am...
All in a days work

-Abhishikth John
nomads home

Aane wala pal

2010-07-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

2010-04-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

last week i had the chance of attendin a workshop on HIV-AIDS.I was reluctant to attend the seminar for few reasons...firstly, i hate to sit at a place and pretend to listen and and look interested of the ongoing verbal diarrhea of the speaker.the other reason being its a seminar on something which i thought i knew more than what was necessary!yet,i attended.again, i had couple of reasons for attendin it.firstly,it was for five days and i was given paid leave to attend it.secondly, the organisers of the seminar offered full course of meal with multiple desserts to choose from...it was too yummy to resist.but the icing on the cake was that i was even paid to attend the five day seminar!whoa,i would look like a looney if i refuse the offer,i thought.despite hating the very fact that i will be feeling claustrophobic again in the intellectual walls of a class room,i attended.the delegates were around 40 somethin in number...most of them in their late thirties...phew,now that made the matters worse.one top of it i was one among the three men who attended!i couldn't have scripted a worse nightmare than this!i thought five days are gonna be like a journey to hell and back...i seriously doubted that coming back part though!
the schedule looked packed with few minutes of breather in between...the trainers as they were called looked straight from the ram gopal varma flick...seriosly constipated with absolutely zilch sense of humor.i was spooked to the spine.but then, the seminars first day was started by some visually serene and tranquilizing prayer songs...that certainly soothed my ever complaining,never satisfied mind.i began to sense that this was gonna be a rejuvenating experience.the organizers had planned the schedule to accommodate the updated versions of the hiv-aids status particularly keeping india in mind.the information was more reassuring...hiv aids has always been associated with the dastardly stigma attached to it.its no strange fact that in india most,if not all the hiv-aids related patients die due to the constant stigma,discrimination and ostracizing than the actual pathological causes.its really heartening ti see that certain sections of the society accepting PLWHA (PEOPLE LIVING WITH HIV-AIDS) than ever before.there seems to be an upward thrust in the knowledge consensus of the indians,especially rural folks regarding hiv and its spread.the same people who were pathetically ignorant of the menace of hiv and who were naive enough to accept hiv as just another disease are increasingly aware of the sinister complications.thanks to the govt. of india's wide spread campaigning aiming rural india especially the truck drivers and their potential infective source commercial sex workers.introduction of free condom sachets in every public place such as bus stands,railway stations etc have had its fine share of success by increasing the curiosity of the onlookers which in turn propels them to spread the awareness.its always easy to blame the govt.for all the hooplas happenin around us.its really praise worthy to see the collective effort to govt. of particular states,the hospital faculty and not to forget the guardian angels,the NGO's who have unselfishly committed their time and resources in making india hiv-aids aware nation which eventually helps in curbing the menace of aids completely.the day is not far...but it needs effort and perseverance.

while all these informations were being provided to us,i couldn't help but think,how can i contribute to the ongoing campaign.i was one among the scores of hypocrites who spoke a lot about how they care for PLWHA's but when it comes to encountering them personally, made reasons to evade.i should confess how biased and cynical i was to hiv -aids victims.i joined the nay sayers in ostracizing them...by blaming them for their ominous misery and stigmatizing them for their plight.how wrong was i? let alone,helping them...i was being indifferent to them...forgetting the very oath i took few years back when i joined para medical course!i wondered how a simple intiative by a collective enterprise can change the whole mindset of ignorant and the so-called -educated class alike!by the last day of the seminar i was craving for more info.the 30 plus crowd had bonded well and was resolute in initiating the spark in their respective hospitals.

what makes the initially thought so-darn-boring experience a memorable one is the testimony of a vivacious hiv-aids lady who by her never say die attitude had fought against all the odds of the dastardly community...who was completely cheated by certain people by getting her married to an already hiv infected man.her sheer courage,grit and determination was contagious.once she found out that her husband was hiv positive she was naturally heartbroken and hopeless.she began to slip into the abyss of depression and suicidal tendency.but then,the greatest decisions of our lives are made and broken in split seconds...same happened with this particular woman as well.she had made a decision in one of those significant moments of her life that she would survive...against all odds,no matter what.a village lady who had never seen the door of a college,with hiv infection and a cowardly society with venomous fangs ready to strike with lethality of stigma fought a battle so inspiring that it moved a large section of the crowd to tears and awe. she deserved the respect of a person with absolute determination...she got it,if not easily but eventually!after her testimonial i shook her hands(this time with respect for the person and not the usual insecurity).she was as normal as any healthy lady of her age.she showed no physical signs of illness.especially she showed no emotional signs which is always attached to PLWHA'S.i was fortunate to meet such a resolute person in a place like India which always just needs an excuse to put a person down...which is still stuck in the age gone by...which still believes in honor killing.which takes pride in domestic abuse and woman slavery.what a striking contrast to the present day scenario...

i left the seminar with a responsibility at hand and questions in my mind.if one person can create such an impact on the society by changing its view point and opinions.why are we not joining hands in such cause?
if it takes a group of selfless people who believe they can change the outlook of the people by forming a non-profitable sectors called NGO's.why are we not endorsing and encouraging them?
if it takes a government to come up with an extensive initiative to combine all the social stratas and health teams to curb the menace of hiv-aids...why are we still complaining?
i dont want these questions to haunt me now and then...get me sleepless nights.make me feel guilty and useless.
i dont want these questions to ever come back to me again.
there are only two ways i can achieve that...by being the same old indifferent individual who seems like he cares a lot but does nothing but stay hypocrite.
or
by shrugging off the pseudo societal values and joining hands...yes, as simple as that.
i decided to join hands...and it takes many hands to form a human chain and create a human change.what say?

2010-01-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

ah well...its here again,the new year!alas,yet another year closer to grave...yet another year to whine bout inconvieniences,blabber bout status quos...yet another year to fight against things,of which our age is foremost...yeah, botox is the right word!
why is that i have such pessismistic approach towards this new year? i ask myself...i somehow try to evade the hulla baloo of welcomin the new year,for that matter anything new!i hate to wear new clothes on my own darn birthday...let alone cuttin the ever so cheesy cake!i despise anything new...i nauseate at any change.for me...change is unnecessary yet inevitable!i know i aint the only one who likes to be left alone on his fluffy couch to slumber to glory...pull the drapes of the windows so that the sun wont pierce your gloomy solitude.we all love the lazing around stuff.to be the one who is just a spectator of everything and not the contender.
but then..life aint just slumber right?
allright...i gotta go,new year is here, my mom tells i gotta dress up to the occassion...
down with this...happy new year...zzzz

SILHOUETTES OF A SAD HEART

2009-09-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

the shadow proves the sunshine,they say
they say ,i will be there come what may
when i walk the lonely way
my soul yearns to decay

there aint anybody who walks the walk with you
they always promise big which never comes true
a sad heart sees no merry...no it wont.
too much is said about love,when you have nothing to count.

so i walk alone,nothing to fear,nothing to hide.
i hold tight the rope on a dreary cliff lest i slide...
please promise me that you wont give love another chance
i am sorry...i have promised myself that i wont fall for another trance.

they say,love is a shadow which gives life a new start
but how can i believe...when all i have is silhouettes of a sad heart.
-abhishikth
nomads home.

when i wrote this melancholy filled lines,little did i realise how desponded i was in my life.when my friends who read this began to ask me why did i write something so dark and hopeless, i was perturbed...not by their concern,but by the sheer ignorance of my state of mind. i just shrugged and declared that i had to write this as i had an unexplicable burden in my heart then.they were not satisfied by my answer,they agreed nevertheless.
as i began to contemplate on the issue in my solitude...i realised that the protagonist in the material is uncertain of the consequences of life.he had a major life changing event which left him unstably circumspect,irrationally pessimistic about his course of life in general and his love life in particular.he is a loner who derives no pleasure in whims and fancies of life...a loner by choice.he is a person who has lost all in life and the all encompassing solace of love.he is heart broken and decides not to give love another chance to ramshackle his already destroyed life.yet, as the poem ends...he mellows down and asks how can he give life another chance when all he has is sadness and ultimate melancholy.he asks...he wants to know...is there a way out of his impending doom.is there a chance...a hope beyond all the sinister events which marked his life till then.
as they say, hope floats...our man just leaves the reader with the query which only time can answer.rest all can wait till then...

CONFESSIONS OF A CHAOTIC MIND!

2009-08-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

there are circumstances in ones life which evades all the answers.then, there are people one encounter in life even for few hours who leave a lasting impression.the yoke of the impression has to be carried for an entire lifetime...whether you like it or not!
i work in a neuro surgery ICU in one of the premier hospitals of india.i encounter patients of varying degrees of head injuries on a daily basis.some make it...many of them sustain it...most of them succumb to it.but what remains the constant is my approach to every patient and his/her immediate relative.its like a perturbing dictum,a monotonous manual of sorts when i explain the patients condition to their relatives. i somehow have failed to feel the humongous spurge of overwhelming emotions in the eyes of a devastated relative.after every such ordeal i feel that my part is over as i hand them the consent form to sign.it take five minutes tops.five minutes to fill the heart of an already shattered relative with melancholy,uncertainity,hopelessness and utter disregard towards the ongoing situation in particular and life in general!five minutes is what it takes to shake the foundation of someones belief in life.but little do i realise how long its gonna take to rebuild the dilapidated hope!

my mom always says that its not how many hours you work, how many patients you care,how much you earn matters...what matters is how satisfied are you at the end of the day,how peaceful are you when you lay your head on the bed to sleep,how eager and happy are you to start the day doing what you have been doing always.
i have asked those questions to myself time and again,have i been satisfied?have i been doing justice to what i am doing?the answer evades me every single time.i contemplate on the events of the day every night, i ponder over the decisions i took througout the day.every day my satisfaction level changes.its then i come to terms with the fact that satisfaction is a relative term...i cant be as satisfied as i was yesterday.no, icant!

every time i look at a patient recuperating,eventually getting discharged there is this ineffable wave of bliss i feel. every single time the patients relative, be it his mother, wife, son, daughter thank me for what i have done i feel blessed...i feel that theres still humanity left in the world which awaits its impending doom!one just cant put these feelings into words...one just has to stand in humility when an over joyous mother thanks you for her sons recovery!yes, there are many things in life which the money cant buy...gratitude is one of those!

but then, the mood in the ICU is never constant...theres death lurking around everywhere,waiting to unfold its vicious pangs.every time when a patient succumbs to the injuries inspite of our measures to save him there is a gloom which perhaps lasts longer than happiness.when a devastated wife looks in disbelief at her husbands still face amidst the umpteen tubes and wires,amidst the ever torturing noise of ventillators you know the value of that patient in bed no.3, hospital no.563101 in that grieving womans life!very few break out into cry when they lose their loved ones in hospital.they just stand...with disbelief.they deny the fact that they have just lost that person. i cant tell you the awkwardness of the situation when i have to console them for their loss.who am i to console them?what do know about the importance of bed no.3,hosp no.563101 in their lives?but still i have to...as overwhelming as it is,yet more often than not every grieving relative listens to me when i talk to them about the proceedings.with tears in their eyes and unsurmountable agony in their heart,they listen! i sometimes choke when i see a lady carrying her baby and holding the hand of another child standing in front of me as i tell her that her only pillar of survival,her husband is no more!

i ask myself in utter disdain...why?why do i have to do what i do?why am i even working in a place where i have to witness the death of not just an individual...but a family!
the answer evades me yet again as i ponder over it looking into the mirror while i get ready to work...yet another day...yet another confrontation with life and its dark counterpart,death.
i look into the mirror,give myself a wry smile which explains nothing and head to do something which i have been doing... as my mother puts it...to do something which brings me un parellel satisfaction and happiness!perhaps...

-abhishikth